Rainy Thoughts

What made me wonder the most tonight wasn't the college fair. It wasn't from the vast variety of places I can to choose to go from and what I can do with my life at each place (though I do tend to think about that). But no, on this stormy, dark night, I reflected a lot. It's pathetic; I almost started crying on the train, not really sure why I'm sad though. Am I even sad? I'm not quite sure how I feel. It's a strange feeling with subtle hints of guilt, regret and emptiness.

The feelings derived from the talk with M. I've never talked to him before, well, at least, we never had a conversation with over three exchanging sentences. Today, we had a pretty intimate conversation about A. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to discuss about A and his feelings with others though. I feel like true feelings like his should be left confidential. I accidentally gave it away anyways- M isn't stupid. But it really felt nice to talk to someone who seems to understand; talking to M was extremely comforting. It's nice to lift off the stress and burden off my shoulders for a while. However, I do wish he would stop smoking so damn much. The smell is overwhelming and it's even just about second-hand smoking or save the planet or anything...It smells like death. It smells like my grandpa's death.

---

M is a really strange man. If I ever had an indie film about my life, M would be in it. J too. M would be my imaginary friend, but not like the cute, helpful, nice kinds. 

Bad Buffets

10-20-12
Gulping it down without appreciation. Stuffing my face. Chew. Chew. Faster. Look! There's more. Bulging cheeks. Consuming and consuming. Hide away the left overs. Me. Me. Me! Scraps of wasted food all over my plate. Leave. Leave, leave! What's wrong with me?

Biking

Without you, I mourn all day. I need my legs pedaling constantly to feel like I'm alive. My blood is pumping. My heart, body and soul is complete. The green blurry trees and bright lights surrounds me as I push myself forward faster and faster. Cars honking. Faster. Weave in and out. Turn here. Don't stop, we are one and i hope that never changes.

When Will We Know When We Have Enough?

Will edit later


WBEZ vinyl cafe
story
carol

wealthy

never learned about taking

giving back all her life

inheritance

foundations

when will we finally see that we have enough of life?

free money, free yourself

everyone is always worrying

selfishness

don't we all have what we need already?

how do we know enough is enough?

self-reflection

take, take, take

i need to free myself

too aware of others and how they see me

self-conscious